No More Weddings!

Okay, I'm seriously hacked off just at present and what's the point of having a blog if you don't occasionally use it to vent your frustrations to the general public. Despite having said upon numerous occasions "I will not get involved in a wedding" I'm involved in yet another wedding and hating every second of it. The last time I got involved it was only because The Bride wanted my then three-year-old son to dress up in a Navy uniform and schlep up the aisle with six thousand dollars' worth of diamonds in his sticky hands, which aside from being a compliment to a Proud Mom, sounded as though it had enormous hilarity potential. And it was hilarious, once all the freaking PREPARATION was over and done with. Yep, my tiny Navy guy hornpiped his way up the aisle, diamonds in hand and managed to only pick his nose several dozen times and not do anything truly obnoxious which I am sure had more to do with the burly groomsman standing behind him than with my son's natural perfect nature (narf!). Now I'm involved in yet another nuptual fiasco which is proving to test my blood pressure. And I am barely involved, serving a purpose as violinist while The Bride does her little turn on the catwalk. I have yet to receive directions to the place where this travesty is taking place, a time to arrive or any kind of instructions whatsoever except a CD of the music The Bride wants me to play. She has chosen Pachelbel's Canon, a piece of music SPECIFICALLY written for a group to play, so I'm stuck jammin' along with a recording which is really the bottom of the old barrel, as far as wedding gigs go. I happen to know of at least one bridesmaid who is ready to chuck her friendship with The Bride because of all the Dress Shenanigans. So I really think it's time to stop all the wedding madness. No more vastly overpriced usually no more than semi-flattering unless made by Vera Wang wedding gowns, no more ^%$#^%$%^^% wedding planners (you guys have your own circle of hell to look forward to), no more letting your BFFs go broke on ugly dresses and ugly shoes, no more rubber chicken dinners and Journey cover bands. It's time to just say no, ladies. Because people in general are unreliable, it's a fact, and when you force a whole lot of unreliable people into a situation fraught with unforseeable disasters, it is certainly not going to be Miller Time anytime. It's a lost cause and because it's also an expensive, totally unnecessary lost cause, don't y'all think we ought to just quit doing it? Keep the cake and the honeymoon, those are the best parts anyway!